


Torn To Pieces

by MizUnderstood2136



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 12:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16681276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizUnderstood2136/pseuds/MizUnderstood2136
Summary: A - I blame Kenna Rylen for this.B - based on the song Lovely by Billie Eilish - go have a listen and feeeeel the things.C - I don't own said song but it spoke to Kenna and I.SighMelana Lavellan is heartbroken by her sudden disconnect from Solas.. this follows the story of her and him, following the lyrics of the song above.I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE!!!





	Torn To Pieces

**_Thought I found a way_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Thought I found a way, yeah (found)_ ** **_  
_ ** **_But you never go away (never go away)_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_So I guess I gotta stay now_**

 

I sat on the top floor of the rotunda, feet hanging over the edge of the floor, watching _him._ My hands absently braided my black hair as I watched.

Solas.

Enigma wrapped in pointed silence.

That cold fist gripped my heart again.

“Inquisitor Melana?” came the quiet voice behind me.

“Spymaster?” I replied softly.

“How.. long is this going to go on?” she asked as she sat down next to me. I held on to my bitter smile.

“I've no idea. It's still .. so sharp. I've never been in love before, Leliana. I've never experienced this kind of heartache. I feel.. brittle and shattered and like thin ice over raging waters. I feel everything and I feel numb.”

She nodded in silence.

“Alright. If you need to talk, I'm here.” She offered it with a smile, before leaving me to my thoughts.

 **_  
_ ** **_Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_Even if it takes all night or a hundred years_**

 

Solas felt her there. Like a shard of glass stuck in his soul. Her very presence made him want to abandon it all. His carefully laid plans, nearly at a waste because of his treacherous heart. He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead into his hand. He could _feel_ every bit of her pain. Because it was also his pain.

He sighed.

 **_  
_ ** **_Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear_**

 

I watched him wave his staff and cast, the air rippling around him with power and strength. Then I felt Cole watching me… watching him. I turned away and pulled my hood up.

 **_  
_ ** **_Isn't it lovely, all alone?_ ** **_  
_******_Heart made of glass, my mind of stone_   _  
_ _Tear me to pieces, skin and bone_ ** _  
_**

 

Cole placed his hand on my shoulder and that fist gripping my soul lessened its hold, though not enough for any real relief. He whispered words, and I had to swallow a sob.

 

_“His soul aches as yours does.”_

 

Would it ever end?

 **_  
_ ** **_Hello, welcome home_ **

 

Solas stood there, on the top of the ruined stairs, the shattered orb in his limp hands. His mind raced and he watched Melana approach her friends. Torn was beyond a word he would use to describe his current predicament.

His vhenan, love.

But.. his people… the ones he betrayed and needed to fix things for.

He closed his eyes and took a breath.

 **_  
_ ** **_Walkin' out of town_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Lookin' for a better place (lookin' for a better place)_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Something's on my mind_ _  
_ _Always in my headspace_**

 

I sat on my balcony, mindless with grief. How.. how had he just, how did Varric say it? He just fucking left without a word? Without.. a farewell?

With my heart in his hands.

I covered my mouth as another sob tried to choke me. I shook there.. countless hours on the balcony wondering why...

 **_  
_ ** **_But I know someday I'll make it out of here_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Even if it takes all night or a hundred years_ ** **_  
  
_**

The Winter Palace. Ah, I had hoped never to see this place again. Rife with intrigue, death and betrayal. A cesspool of elegance and pointy words. And yet.. something had changed. I paced my room, waiting to be called before the council. I had already greeted everyone, surprised at how much, and honestly how little, had really changed.

Leliana was Divine.

Varric ran Kirkwall, as Viscount of all things.

Blackwall was enjoying his life as a Warden and Cole was finding love with the Bard.

I looked out the window and sighed.

My arm ached incessantly now, sharp pain nearly to my shoulder. Dorian had done his best, as had the best healers we could find.

But it was only a matter of time.

I reached up and brushed my long black hair back over my shoulder. It was nearly to my waist now, thick and strong, unlike the rest of me.

A breeze wafted in through the window and I felt my heart lurch.

I closed my eyes.

 

_Solas laid next to me, him on his left side, me in my right. His hand held a lock of my hair, and his eyes danced with laughter. His shirt pillowed my head and the sun warmed our bare skin._

_“Did you see Dorian's eyes?” I asked him, grinning. He chuckled, “I shall never forget, he was beyond stunned!”_

_I laughed at that, for he wasn't wrong. Dorian's hair had stood on end for hours after walking into the lighting storm I had conjured in the Emerald Graves._

_I reached out and brushed a leaf from Solas’ bare shoulder. Freckles dappled his skin, like the sun filtering through the trees. He captured my hand, kissing my knuckles._

_“Can we stay here?” he whispered, surprising me._

_“Oh, I wish. Tis.. so much simpler. No Inquisition, no pain. Just you and I.”_

_He nodded, his eyes going distant for a moment. I cradled his face with my hand._

_“Solas?”_

_“Vhenan?”_

_“Take me in the sunshine, make me yours again,” I whispered. He nodded, his eyes darkening as he pushed me back onto the blanket, covering my body with his own._

_And make me his, he certainly did. With exacting touches, precise kisses and the theft of my very soul as he made love to me in that green lovely field._

 

2 years.. and nothing inside me had changed. Solas had snagged my heart, and there was no going back. I saw him more often than not in my dreams, and my heart could not release him.

Or me.

  


**_Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Isn't it lovely, all alone?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Heart made of glass, my mind of stone_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_Tear me to pieces, skin and bone_**

 

My heart raced in my chest, standing there in the crossroads. The place was.. heartbreaking in its beauty. My people had lost so much.

Knowledge.

Power.

And something was tickling my mind but I couldn't quite grasp it. Countless mirrors, dead Qunari and my mark trying to actively kill me.. I had enough to bear at the moment.

A breeze whipped my hair in my face and I froze. The scent of the ocean and home.

 

 _Solas_?!

 

 **_Hello, welcome home_ ** **_  
  
_**

I screamed as I fell to my knees, my arm on literal magic fire. Saarath was dead, the Vidasala having escaped again.

And Solas. Of all the things..

Fen'Harel.

Dread Wolf.

As the humans say.. fuck.

Dorian was tending to the Bull, Varric watching their backs. I whispered a spell, and Varric shook his head as it took hold. I leapt to my feet and raced to the last eluvian.

 

 **_Woah, yeah_ ** **_  
  
_**

A flash of light and I landed roughly on the ground beyond the portal. I laid there a moment, fighting the nausea and the pain.

I heard a voice yelling, and scrambled to my feet, holding my useless arm against my chest. The last discharge of power had.. broken the last part of me holding together. I could _feel_ him here. And I'd be damned if I died before he told me WHY!

  


**_Yeah, a_ **

 

Solas caught her as she fell in front of him, terror clutching at his throat as he spelled her marked hand into magical silence. She grabbed his armored chest plate, and he pressed his forehead to hers.

 **_  
_ ** **_Woah, woah_ **

 

“You left. You left and haunted my dreams. You cannot tell me that wasn't you. Following me as the wolf. Holding me when it hurt so bad I could barely breathe.”

The words poured out of me, anxious to be said. He looked away but didn't let me go. I felt myself fading. I reached up and turned his face back to mine.

“Fen'Harel,” I whispered. His eyes fell, his heart shuddering beneath the metal I still gripped. He nodded and tried to speak but I stopped him.

“You could have trusted me, Solas. That's… that's what love is. Taking.. taking it all - good or otherwise.”

I gasped as my hand started to wake up. “I'd have given anything to.. save you the way you saved me, Solas. But it's too late,” I sobbed quietly.

I closed my eyes, and he gripped me tighter. “Don't you go,” he growled at me and I laughed softly, feeling the strength leaving me.

“That's your job right? Going.. and going some more. I chased you across Thedas and the Crossroads. Do you.. do you even love me?”

I whispered the last. I opened my eyes and marveled at the stark pain in his. A tear fell down his face and he pressed trembling lips to mine.

“Forever, Vhenan. Are lath ma,” he whispered against my mouth. I pressed a kiss back against his lips, smiling.

“Forever,” I whispered. I screamed again, as the pain in my arm blossomed, shaking me and turning the air around me a silly green.

I could hear him begging me, to forgive him

So much lost time.

So much _pain_.

“Nothing.. to forgive, Vhenan. Everything.. to gain. Are lath ma,” I breathed as I let go.

 

**_Hello, welcome home_ **

 

Her hand fell from his face as the light around her faded.

The Mark had won.

Solas clutched her to his chest, a roar of grief tearing out of him as he held the lifeless body of the only woman he had ever really.. truly.. loved.

He sat there.. holding her to him for hours. Before finally lifting her lifeless form effortlessly, and carrying her through the eluvian, into the unknown…

 


End file.
